So...a lot has been going on with me. A lot is about to change. Unfortunately for me - that usually means anxiety. And I'm already struggling with a lot of that right now anyway. Matt and I found a place to live. A 3 bedroom, 1.5 bath duplex with a fenced in backyard for his dog. Its more expensive than what we had wanted but it is available and it is nice. The other places we looked at were real shitholes. Matt's trying to get a new job....one that will pay more and have better hours (he bartends now). This is the first time I've ever moved in with someone I've dated AND it hasn't been that long since we've been seeing each other (6 months?). I have always been extremely cautious about dating and commitment but with him it just seems so different. We really have a good working partnership and help each other out. I can't imagine living with anyone else. Plus, we're each going to have our own bedrooms for when we want/need our own space.
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Letting my professors know about my panic attacks has been kind of freeing. In all actuality, I thought that I would be worried about what they thought or how they would look at me. But as soon as I told them I really didn't care. I knew that they are just a part of me right now and that is OK. Its really relieving.
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I had my first session of EMDR. It was really interesting. You have to let your eyes follow these moving lights while talking about something anxiety-provoking or traumatic. Apparently it is supposed to help you reprocess the information so that it becomes less bothersome. I talked a lot about my past traumatic medical procedures, about feeling like I will be alone in an emergency, and some other more general fear (needles, blood). I also talked a lot about my car accident. I'm not quite yet ready to talk about these experiences in detail in this blog because they make me anxious, but hopefully soon I will be able to. The night after the session I had some nightmares about the accident. I actually think that's a good sign that my brain is reprocessing the information. We'll see.
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Teaching is going well. It's getting less anxiety-provoking. I like my class but they don't seem to grasp the ideas I'm teaching them too well. It's a little frustrating. Today we fell behind. I hope to be able to catch up this week since next Monday is their first exam. I've gotta work on creating that too.
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I have been taking a lot les medication now. If I take Klonopin it is only once a day and now it is half the dose prescribed to me. I'm taking half my dose of Ambien tonight as well. Overall, anxiety is better. Still there, still high, but better. I hope to keep reading and From Panic to Power and When Panic Attacks.
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My personal struggles and triumphs living with severe anxiety, including hypochondriasis, panic disorder, and generalized anxiety disorder.
Mental Health Links
- Anxiety Care
- Consumer & Family Information: Hypochondriasis
- Healthy Anxiety - ABC Net
- Hypocondriasis - Counseling and Learning Skills Service
- Free Panic Attack Program
- The AMerican Psychological Association
- Anxiety Disorders Association of America
- BBC Health
- National Institute of Mental Health
- Anxieties.com
- Mental Help.Net
- Panic Cure
2 comments:
Congratulations on the new place! And, for being able to air your panic attacks out there for others to see. I wouldn’t know, but I can imagine how freeing that must have been. I’m jealous.
The EMDR does sound interesting, you’ll have to keep us posted. I think reprogramming our minds is an important part of recovery from anxiety. Lucinda Bassett talks a lot about that in From Panic to Power, I can’t thank you enough for recommending it, (I’m just about done), definitely worth reading through to the end.
Well, congrats again sounds like things are going well.
I've never heard of this EMDR treatment. I wonder if I should request that or something because it sounds like an excellent therapy technique.
I've had to tell my professors about my anxiety as well (though I'm just an undergrad) and it sucks while you're explaining it but once it's over and they make accomodations for you it feels so much better!! Soon I'm just going to register with my school's disability service so that it'll make things easier in the future.
Keep on going strong!! :)
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