After yesterday's escapade, I have had to pick up the pieces. So far so good. My psychiatrist meeting went well. He's extremely careful and does not like to overload me with meds. We have to wait until the Lexapro works to get a really good idea what the next steps will be medication-wise but for the time while we are waiting I have to takeKlonopin as needed up to 4 times a day. I've been here before and have had to do the same thing (along time ago) but I will come off of this again. I also have a sleep aid which is greatly needed. I have not been sleeping or eating the past few weeks and have lost 7 pounds (at least - it might be more by now).
My psychologist seems extremely cool and I think we can work well together. We will try EMDR.
I believe some of my anxiety is from some past traumas (car accident, medical traumas) which I'm sure I will discuss in more detail. I have faith it will go well.
Right now my major faculty advisor knows I;ve been struggling with anxiety and panic attacks. I talked to her today about it. She was very supportive and even gave me some pointers on how to deal with the professor whose project I work on.
The project coordinator knows and was supportive, but for me I am not sure how much to trust him and am somewhat upset I had to tell him. The worst, though, will be talking with the professor. He is known to be unempathetic and crude. When my dad was diagnosed with leukemia back in August and I told him it might be a rough semester for me and I was apologizing in advance if my work wasn't up to its usual standard he said
Johnny Carson was able to put on a smile after 3 divorces. Can you believe that? So needless to say I'm not anticipating gushing concern. In fact, I'm fairly certain he's mostly worried about his project and if I should be seeing client at all. My job is going to be reassuring him that it was a slight hiccup and that it hasn't happened like this in the year and a half I've been working for him and that I am taking active steps to deal with it.
It's hard because I believe all of those things I;m going to tell him, but not as confidently as I will have to portray them.
Today really has been a wonderful day though and I hope it just continues to get better. I have my lecture done for tomorrow and hopefully it will run smooth. I'll have time to practice in the A.M. and then I'll have my meeting with Dr. Hardass in the afternoon. Then family therapy clinic and HOME for the weekend!!!
I just have to make it one more day....and then a little relief.
Thanks SO MUCH for all the support.
Much love.
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2 comments:
One thing to keep in mind, is that no one but you REALLY knows what its like to experience the panic and anxiety. It's so difficult to try and translate that out of control, adrenaline rushed feeling to people who have never had it.
My husband just couldn't wrap his mind around why I was shaking and crying and hyperventilating in the bed in the morning when he would get up to leave for work.
You have to remind yourself, Kristen, that it's okay to be who you are, and we all have our issues. And, no, my dear....no smile required. ;)
Thanks, Lacy. I really appreciate your support. It's comforting. Have you successfully overcome your anxiety?
Kristen
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